Trust

So one of my recurring worries (aggravated by dumb people and their comments) is how big this kid is going to be. I mean, let’s be real here: I have gained a LOT of weight this pregnancy. And I am a little terrified that Sam is going to be HUGE! My belly is huge and I don’t know if he is huge but I can see like definite knees and feet when he wiggles around in there. It’s a little shocking. My belly is more square now than rounded, and the skin is shiny from being stretched so tight. At least the itching has gone away.

I keep reminding myself that God has created me exactly as I am to give birth to the baby that I have grown within me. I CAN do this. It just scares me that he’ll be so big! Barb said that they all feel big coming out, whether they are 6 lbs or 10 lbs. I suppose that is true — and I don’t really have any frame of reference so who knows!

I’m just really tired today. I got up to go pee last night and came back to bed and grunted and groaned and flopped and flailed into position and thought to myself, I cannot deal with this anymore. I can’t do this for even one more day. I need patience and strength right now. Pray for me if you would. I am due in 2 weeks, but it could be another 3 or 4 before he comes, in all reality. That thought makes me want to cry.

But: January 10th is still in my mind for some reason. It’s a full moon that night. We shall see.

My feet and ankles are ridiculously swollen and it kind of hurts. The skin feels so tight on my feet. I can’t wear any of my shoes anymore. I live in house slippers and flip flops. The flip flops are a little cold as it is definitely January in Indiana. But I don’t have much choice right now.

I am trying to be patient but it’s hard right now. I need to learn to let go of control. I can’t control the timing here, I won’t be able to control it in labor, and I won’t be able to control it when Sam is here, at least not for a while. I need to be flexible. I just keep praying for patience and also that labor would start as soon as Sam is done cooking.

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