Random moodiness

Yesterday as soon as I got to work I hopped on DT bar. A newer girl was on register and DTO for the first time, and she really did a very good job, but DT is really hard and newer people can be a little slower than those who have been doing DT for a long time. Anyway, I am not the fastest on bar anyway. Probably because I actually aerate the milk properly and try to make the drinks to standard. A fault of mine, I know. I was doing okay on bar for a while until we got this one order. Oh my gosh. People. IF you have 4 extremely picky drinks, park your car and come inside the freaking store rather than hold up the line. The car had 4 drinks which were a venti breve white mocha extra hot, a venti nonfat no whip mocha extra hot, a triple grande white mocha at 140 degrees, and a triple venti vanilla latte extra hot. Muerto. Well, ordinarily this would annoy me slightly, but no big deal. Yesterday I just could not handle it. I felt overwhelmed and on the verge of tears. I was just frustrated because I knew I was taking a long time (despite the time-consuming drink order anyway) and that there were other people in line who were going to have wait a long time to get their drinks. Even if it is not the DT bar barista’s fault or (even less likely) the DT register barista’s fault, people in DT can be extra rude, lazy, a-holes and can be quite rude and can frighten a newbie barista.

Anyway, it was just really weird how I felt really out of control and like I was going to cry over something that really isn’t a big deal. Hormones!

Women’s Retreat this weekend

The women’s retreat at Crossroads this weekend was such a wonderful reminder for me about so many things. The teaching was challenging and encouraging, the testimonies from some of the beautiful women in my church were powerful, and I LOVED just talking and giggling and eating snacks late into the night (even as tired as I was). It was like a slumber party with 59 giggly girls!

The teaching was on 1 and 2 Peter and throughout the weekend what was impressed upon me time and time again was that the Lord is no less concerned with my situation now than He was when He died on the cross 2000 years ago. He has called me to live faithfully in the places and with the people in my life at every station. So much of my life has been focused on the next thing and THAT is how I am wasting my life. Growing in grace is difficult and takes work. That was impressed upon me, too. I think I often disobey the Lord not out of willful spite as much as sheer laziness. I expect that the Lord will make following Him easy, and when it’s not, I don’t obey Him. Not faithfully. But the speaker at the retreat said something that really stuck with me especially when it comes to this baby: every action and word in our lives says something to others about who God is. Who do I say God is? Will I present an inaccurate picture of God to my child by my life? I don’t want to do that. I want to live in a way that is without fear and in complete trust of my Lord. It was also impressed upon me that the only way to do that is the know the truth through the Word. I have been very lax about spending time in the Word seriously and I know that is because I have given into believing Satan’s lies about it.

Anyway. I don’t want to live in fear anymore. So much of my life is lived in fear. I want to LIVE. I want to love the Lord and love people wholeheartedly and without reservation.

The retreat was really good and I am really glad I got to attend. And, it was really fun to tell all these ladies that I was pregnant. Everyone was so excited for us. I love our church family. There were infant baptisms today and I was overwhelmed with how good God is. I feel like such a screw-up sometimes but for some reason God has given me and Tim this baby to love and raise. It is very humbling. I am very undeserving of what I have.